Mad World
by Marwana
Summary: Harry reflects on his life, both sad, the first song, and cheerful, the second song. Songfic, HP/ GW. Can fit in the canon.
1. Mad World

_Just a little on-shot I came up with after I heard the song 'Mad World' from Gary Jules._

_This is a song-fic but I must admit that the story can be read without the song, I just thought the song to be fitting.  
><em>

_**Warnings**: sad, not suicidal (see the AN at the bottom to understand why!)  
><em>

_**Disclaimer**:I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I own the song!  
><em>

_Anyway: enjoy and don't forget to leave a review behind^^_

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><p><strong>Mad World<strong>

**_Lyrics …_**

**oOoOoOo  
><strong>  
>It had been three years after the Dursleys had finally allowed him to go to school – he was now eight – and he still had no friends.<br>Oh some of the children had been nice to him in the beginning but Dudley had made sure that they knew not to _want_to play with freaky little Harry Potter. Now, he was just a shadow; unheard, unseen and unnoticed – otherwise they would just hurt him.

Not that he _didn't_ notice the other children. He saw how they had fun, together.  
>He saw how their parents would always bring them to school and picked them up from school, the Dursleys never picked him up, they let him walk while they <em>did<em> pick Dudley up.

He watched every single day – carefully hidden in the bushes – as the other children played catch, or hide-and-seek or another game, together. But he was too afraid that Dudley and his gang might find him and play 'Harry-Hunting' -a sport the Dursleys encouraged - to join them. Not that they _wanted_ him to join them.

He watched as the teachers laughed with each other while they made sure that the children weren't being bullied or getting hurt, but they never seemed to see _him_ when Dudley and his gang went after him and hurt him or when he had bruises which one _certainly_ didn't get from falling down the stairs. They only saw him when he did something they considered weird or against the rules.

**_All around me are familiar faces  
>Worn out places, worn out faces<br>Bright and early for the daily races  
>Going nowhere, going nowhere<br>_**  
>He muffled his cries with his moth eaten blanket as good as he could as he carefully lied down on the tattered matrass - his cheek hurt from where his aunt had slapped him, his head hurt from where she had hit him with the heavy frying pan, his back and bottom hurt from where his uncle had hit him and his stomach hurt due to the fact that he hadn't been allowed to eat, again – after all, if the Dursleys heard him they would only punish him further. And he had still no idea as to <em>why<em> he had been punished this time.

He had learned a long time ago that the Dursleys - especially Vernon - liked to punish him for every little thing they could think of, even things he couldn't possibly have done like the fact that it rained on 'Dudley's special day' or the fact that Vernon didn't get the promotion he wanted so badly.  
>And he had learned that it was better to just except the punishment, lest they punished him for 'cheek'.<p>

He sobbed harder as he remembered the name-calling, the threats and the disgusted sneers.

**_Their tears are filling up their glasses  
>No expression, no expression<br>Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow  
>No tomorrow, no tomorrow<br>_**  
>When he had been six he had looked up the word 'dead' in the dictionary as, according to the Dursleys, his parents were 'dead'. It had meant 'having lost life' or 'no longer alive' and apparently he was 'alive'. It had been the first time that he had wanted to be 'dead', as that would mean that he would be free from the Dursleys.<p>

He sometimes wished that he was with his parents in Hell – as that was where they were according to the Dursleys – because that had to be better than the place he was now.  
>He had <em>dreamed<em> about them, how they would welcome him and love him and how they would never, ever abandon him.

Sometimes he hated them for getting into that car _without_ him, leaving him alive and to the mercy of the Dursleys when they hit another car because his father had been _drunk_.  
>But he also loved the image he had of them <em>so very much<em>, as any child would love their parents – which was strange as he had never known them – and he missed the people he thought they had to have been.

**_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
>The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had<br>I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
>When people run in circles it's a very, very<br>Mad world, mad world  
><em>**  
>He knew that it would be his birthday in a couple of weeks but he didn't feel excited about it. It only meant that Petunia and Vernon would ignore him – which was a relieve because it also meant that he wouldn't be 'punished' – but it also meant Dudley would bully him – the few moments he <em>was<em>home - even more than he normally did and that they would give him even more chores than he normally had while they would go out and have fun, just the three of them.

He had never gotten a gift from them – unless one counted a couple of socks or coat hangers as gifts – they didn't buy or make a cake for him like they did for Dudley, they never took him somewhere like they did with Dudley and he sometimes wondered if he would ever get the change to actually _celebrate _it. With gifts and cake and friends. He doubted it.

**_Children waiting for the day they feel good  
>Happy birthday, happy birthday<br>And I feel the way that every child should  
>Sit and listen, sit and listen<br>_**  
>He had been so happy when he had been allowed to go to school. While he knew that Dudley went to the same school, it was large enough and had enough classes that he wouldn't have to end up <em>in<em> Dudley's class.  
>There would be new people who knew nothing about him, who would accept him just the way he was. But that could only if he wasn't in the same class as Dudley.<br>Sadly enough, he _did_ end up in Dudley's class and everything went wrong that very first day.

When the teacher had checked to see if everyone was there he hadn't reacted to his name as he hadn't known that his name _was_ 'Harry Potter'.

When he had wanted to play with some of the other children Dudley had told them he had 'cooties' and the other children had ran away from him, afraid to get cooties and thus unwilling to play with him ever again.

When he hadn't understand what the teacher meant with 'letters' he had been ignored - as they should have learned that the year before, which had been _before_ he had been allowed to attend school – and when he mentioned _that _to the teacher she had told him to 'stop exaggerating'.

He had turned her hair blue.

**_Went to school and I was very nervous  
>No one knew me, no one knew me<br>Hello teacher tell me, what's my lesson?  
>Look right through me, look right through me<br>_**  
>It had been almost two years since the 'letters from no-one' had arrived, it was his second year in Hogwarts, school of Witchcraft and Wizardry, and he was already wishing he was eight again and a shadow, or six and 'dead'.<br>Almost the entire school had turned on him the second they had found out he was a Parselmouth but he was still noticeable, audible and visible and he wished he wasn't.

He was fourteen and his name had just been spit out by the Goblet of Fire. Once again the biggest part of the school had turned on him and he started to wish they would leave him alone.  
>Couldn't they see that he didn't <em>want<em> the fame, the fortune, the glory? Of course they didn't, they were to blinded by the _glory_ and _fame_ he already had and always thought that he wanted more.

He was fifteen and he clenched his hands to fists, the wounds clearly noticeable as they leaked blood on the floor.  
>Why didn't they <em>believe<em> him? Why should he _lie_ about something like _that_? Did they _really_ believe that Cedric would just drop _dead_? Or did they believe that _he_ had _killed_ him.  
>The world had gone mad.<p>

He was seventeen and he was always running, always weary of others as they could sell him out the Ministry or Voldemort.  
>He knew that he had to do what Dumbledore had asked him to do but sometimes he wished that someone would just tell him 'you're too young to do this' or 'we will all help you'. He once again dreamed about being 'dead' and it had been <em>years<em>, well seven years, since he had last dreamed about _that_

**_And I find it kind of funny, I find it kind of sad  
>The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had<br>I find it hard to tell you, I find it hard to take  
>When people run in circles it's a very, very<br>Mad world, mad world, enlarging your world  
><em>**  
>He walked towards the place he where he <em>knew<em> Voldemort would be. It seemed like he had come full circle, first Voldemort came to him to kill him – he survived - now he walked willingly towards the man that _would_ kill him – and he knew that he would end up dead.  
>He would finally see and hear his parents – the very people that had made sure that he would live – as he walked towards his own demise.<p>

He looked up towards the starry night and wondered: what kind of world would send children out to win a war for them?  
>What kind of world expected a child to defeat a man who was at least fifty years older, who had been a genius and who had been able to charm the very sea to split for him if he had it to split.<br>He dropped the stone and walked forward – his parents, honorary uncle and godfather close behind him - as the answer came to him.

**_Mad world_**

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><p><em>I hope you guys enjoyed this fic.<em>

_Just some extra information: some of the terms are metaphors, like 'dead'. The mind of a six year old works differently than the mind of an adult or teenager. In Harry's mind 'dead' (and thus by association 'die', 'dying' and 'death') means 'getting away from the Dursleys'. It doesn't mean that he is suicidal!_

_Another thing: this one is a bit... depressing, there for I want to do the same thing only with a cheerful song and thus the good times of Harry's life... Which means that 'Walking on Sunshine' should be up in a couple of days!  
><em>

_Anyway: please push that lovely little button and leave a review!_

_~Marwana_


	2. Walking on Sunshine

_I must admit that I don't really like songfics... and that I can't write them to safe my life (at least, I wouldn't read it if I had the choice...), but as I said I would write it: hereby the son 'Walking on Sunshine' by... I think Katherine and the Waves...  
><em>

_**Warnings: **no warnings for this one-shot.  
><em>

_**Disclaimer**:I don't own Harry Potter, nor do I own the song!  
><em>

_Anyway: enjoy and don't forget to leave a review behind^^_

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><p><strong>Walking on Sunshine<br>**  
><em><strong>Lyrics …<strong>_**  
><strong>  
><strong>oOoOoOo<br>**  
>Harry couldn't help but smile every single time he saw Ginny, nor could he help the weird, giddy feeling in the bottom of his stomach every time <em>she<em>smiled at him. He loved her, he was sure of that, and he knew that she loved him too.

It had been weird in the beginning, as he had always seen her as his best friend's little sister and he had been too involved in fighting a war against a madman who had wanted him dead since he had been an infant.  
>But he had always known that <em>she<em>loved him.

_**I used to think maybe you love me,  
>Now baby I'm sure,<br>And I just can't wait till the day when you knock on my door,  
>Now every time I go for the mailbox,<br>Gotta hold myself down,  
>Cause I just can't wait till you 'rive me or coming around!<strong>_

For her, it had started with a small crush on a boy whom had featured in her bed time stories – like a modern Prince Charming, though Molly had _sworn_ that she had never told her children anything but the truth about that night and no made-up fairy tales – and later in the stories told by her brother, her crush's best friend. It only became worse after he had come to stay with them and had been nice to _her_, the Weasley's only girl! Her brothers had always dismissed her as weak, not amusing or a damsel in distress who needed to be protected from outsiders, but _he_ had been nice to her, even when she hadn't dared to speak to him and embarrassed herself every single time she saw him.  
>Of course, the fact that he had rescued her from a certain death and had risked his own life while saving her had only confirmed it for her: he was <em>her<em>Prince Charming, her saviour.

She had later told him that she had never stopped loving him - not even when she had dated other guys - and that she had been ecstatic when he had told her that he loved her.

_**I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,  
>I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,<br>I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,  
>And doesn't it feel good, heeh, all right now,<br>And doesn't it feel good, heeh, all right now yeah.**_

Harry smiled as he laughed with his friends, the very first friends he had ever had and the best friends a boy could wish for. They were always there for him, even when he had been a moody little jerk during their fifth year.  
>He had known that they would've missed him fiercely if he hadn't survived his last encounter with Voldemort – the one in the forest, the one in which he had sacrificed himself for 'the Greater Good' – and that they would've resurrected him to kill him themselves for hurting Ginny and for ending up dead. Somehow, that made him feel all happy and mushy inside.<p>

He knew – the moment he had walked towards the forest, his parents, godfather and honorary uncle by his side – that he would survive the war. He didn't know _how_ he knew, he just knew.  
>It was as certain as the fact that he loved Ginny.<p>

And know, he was happily married to her and they had three beautiful children.

_**I used to think maybe you love me,  
>I know that it's true,<br>And I don't wanna spend all of my life,  
>Just waiting for you (just waiting for you),<br>Now I don't want you back for the weekend,  
>Not back for a day (no, no, no),<br>See, baby I just want you back,  
>And I want you to stay,<strong>_

It had taken him almost half a year before he finally managed to gather his courage and ask the Weasley males for their permission to marry their daughter and sister.  
>They had, of course, give their blessing but they had warned him against hurting her. He had promised that he would always love her, and he was planning on keeping his word.<p>

Their wedding had been beautiful, Ginny had been absolutely gorgeous – even more gorgeous than Fleur could ever be, and _she_was part Veela – and the weather had seemed to want to bless them as it had been sunny, warm and cheerfully.

He had been happy that he had asked her to accept him back after the war.

_**I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,  
>I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,<br>I'm walking on sunshine, oooooh,  
>And doesn't it feel good, heeh, all right now,<br>And doesn't it feel good, heeh, all right now,  
>And doesn't it feel good.<strong>_

He watched on as his children were running around, happily playing a game with the rest of the Weasley children. It was nice to see them have fun and it was nice to realise that the war had been over for decades and that there were no Death Eaters who wanted their lord back, anymore.

He laughed happily as his daughter, Lily Luna, jumped in his arms demanding that he played her horse. He complied with a smile as Ginny, Ron and Hermione laughed at him and their children's antics.

_**Hey , alright now,  
>and doesn't it feel good,<br>hey yeah ,oh yeah,  
>and doesn't it feel good,<strong>_

Walking on sunshine,  
>Walking on sunshine ,<p>

I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real,  
>I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the love that's really real,<p>

I'm on sunshine baby oh,  
>I'm on sunshine baby oh.<p>

Yes, he was truly happy with his life, he realised as he came to stand next to his wife, his daughter still on his back, his bests friends besides him and his sons running around and frolicking with their cousins and friends.  
>The sun shone upon them and they were all laughing and happy.<p>

_**I'm walking on sunshine wooah,  
>I'm walking on sunshine wooah,<br>I'm walking on sunshine wooah,**_

Life was good, and he wished it would never change.

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><p><em>So, that was probably the last songfic I'll ever write. I hope you guys liked it.<em>

_Anyway: please push that lovely little button and leave a review!_

_~Marwana_


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